Stars:
**
Rating: PG for
action-violence and mild adult situations
Run
Time: 2
hours, 21 minutes
A word of advice for
director George Lucas: in order to
bring the Force “back into balance”,
you’ll have to do a lot better than lifeless, CG- saturated fare like
“Attack of the Clones”.
A narrative decade has passed since a precocious, fresh-faced kid
named Anakin Skywalker hurled us light-years into reverse to the psychological
origins of the menacing, all-consuming Darth Vader. Now Anakin (Hayden Christensen) is an impulsive Jedi-in-training,
full of the folly of youthful manhood and a Force-ful aptitude far beyond his
years. Under the tutelage of the wise
and witty Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), Anakin’s untapped resources are
developing at an alarming rate, but with nothing but annoying intrusions to mar
the powerful path of the Force.
Among those intrusions are a
plot to overthrow the Republic with a newly generated hoard of Clones (aka The
Clone Army) and an attempt by Separatist rebels to assassinate the young and
beautiful Senator, nee Queen, Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman). Obi-Wan and Anakin are dispatched to protect
Padme from harm, an assignment fraught with consequences. Jedi Knights are forbidden emotional
attachments, but that doesn’t stop the roguish “Ani” from succumbing to his
primal urges and falling hopelessly in love with the breathtaking ex-royal.
Millions upon millions of
dollars heaped upon a project of such vast proportions need to reap more
rewards than spiffy bluescreen technique and stylish weaponry. Save for a rousing homage to “Gladiator”
involving our fearsome threesome and a bevy of bloodthirsty primevals, there’s
little thrill to be found. Sure,
master-of-understatement Yoda goes mano-a-mano (make that
light-saber-a-light-saber) with the evil Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), but I
want (and expect) more: a good script, characters I can care
about, and performances that are relaxed and self-assured .
Rumor has it that
Christensen tested well against Portman, but it’s not evident onscreen. Their romance, pivotal to the moral darkness
that will ultimately spell the doom of Skywalker, is lacking in maturity and
chemistry, revealing none of the weighty emotion that is capable of toying so
ominously with the psyche. Christensen
is wooden, and Portman seems more aware of her draping headgear and loopy
hairdos than with her imminent love interest.
Jimmy Smits and Samuel L.
Jackson (as Senator Bail Organa and Jedi Master Mace Windu) are horribly
miscast, and Lee merely reprises his role as the evil Saruman the White from
“Lord of the Rings”, albeit in a galaxy far, far, away. Only McGregor performs with the quirky
assurance benefiting his stature as the coolest and most powerful patriarch to
roam the tribal planets. MIA are the threatening (read: entertaining) presences
of antagonists Darth Vader and Darth Maul. Gone is the charming dysfunction
that rendered Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Princess Leia so “human”.
A sinister warning at the
film’s climax intones that “the shroud of the dark side has fallen”. In more ways than one.